Picking Up the Bill
We call it "going Dutch" but it doesn’t just apply on dates. Westerners split the bill at a restaurant when we go out in large groups too. Six people to dinner means six people paying for their fair shares of the food, however you want to define fair share. As with so much else, things are different at restaurants in China. While six foreigners calculate how to split the bill and scramble for correct change, the Chinese waitress will stand there with a strange look on her face. "What on Earth are these people doing?" her look says.
In China, it’s customary for the host to pick up the entire bill. That’s true at family dinners, business dinners, and dinners out with friends. Whoever does the inviting does the paying. And since failing to follow invitation with invitation would be a fairly major slight to a good friend, it doesn’t generally happen that one person ends up paying for dinner significantly more often than everyone else.
There is one twist though. Just as it’s customary and polite for the host to pay, it’s customary and polite for his guests to offer to pay. Further, since it’s customary to refuse any offer or gift twice before accepting it, in order to avoid appearing insincere guests tend to offer to pay three or more times before accepting the host’s refusal. Since Chinese people tend to talk much more loudly than Westerners in ordinary conversation, the whole offer/refusal dance can look and sound like a heated argument over the bill to people who don’t speak Chinese. Or even to those who do. If you don’t know what’s going on, you might even decide that a fistfight is imminent and perhaps paying your own bill and leaving quickly would be a good idea.
This is another area where friendships between Chinese and foreigners can be a bit tricky. If your Chinese friend has had significant contact with foreigners before, she might be aware of the bill-splitting concept and assume that’s how you’ll do things. If not, simply be aware that you should offer to pay, but not insist, and that you should return the invitation. Chinese people won’t expect you to be any more well versed in their culture than they are in yours though, so you needn’t worry too much about giving offense as long as everyone stays friendly.
