Any Westerner even remotely familiar with Chinese culture has heard of the concept of saving face, but our concept of it tends to be vague and ill defined. Westerners tend to think of face as akin to the Western concept of public embarrassment and the urge to avoid it. But associating face too closely with embarrassment is a mistake, because it puts loss of face on par with the cheek-reddening horror of tripping and falling flat on your face as you walk across the stage at your University graduation. Face is nothing so trivial and its loss has much more far-reaching social effects than mere embarrassment.
There are actually two interrelated but separate types of face: lian (脸) and mianzi (面子), (both words can be literally translated to "face"). Lian refers to society’s perception of the quality of one’s moral character, while mianzi refers to society’s perception of one’s prestige or status. So, at the risk of over simplifying, losing lian generally means losing people’s trust, whereas losing mianzi means losing authority. The two concepts are interrelated, but losing mianzi does not necessarily mean losing lian, and vice versa. (3)
While it’s fairly easy for Westerners to understand the possibility of saving or losing face, the concept of giving face is elusive. Western culture tends to be highly individualistic, wherein one has sole personal responsibility for one’s actions and reputation, so the concept of giving face can be a tricky one for us to wrap our brains around. The collective nature of Asian societies means that each person in a given group - whether it be the office, the family, one’s circle of friends, any group - is responsible both for his own face and the face of other members of the group (1). That means that when someone else in your group loses face, it’s your responsibility to allow him the time and space to recover, or even to help him recover so far as you’re able. The outcome is that you both gain face (2).
Because of the collective nature of face, the concept of face is closely tied to the concept of "guanxi" or relationships. Each person is at the center of a web of reciprocal relationships, and each person gains others’ trust according to his lian and has mianzi relative to all of these different people.
In China, in a very real sense you are your relationships; you are defined by your guanxi. Additionally, Chinese people have an instinctive distrust of and disregard for strangers, so getting along in the world requires guanxi (5).
The dynamics of guanxi are not those of Western relationships. For one thing, while Western friends are often reluctant to ask each other for favors - and Western business partners even more so, for fear of unspecified future obligations - asking for and doing favors is an essential part of maintaining quanxi. A Chinese friend, business partner, or whatever, will ask for favors without warning and expect you to agree to the request readily, as long as its within the bounds of what you’re reasonably capable of (this can create a face-losing situation if they think you capable of more than you are). If you don’t ask for favors in return, the other person will take that as a cue that you’re not interested in maintaining the friendship and he may distance himself from you (5).
In a Western society that values directness and straightforward communication, this kind of hinting is seen as passive aggressive or even two-faced. We simply want to be told exactly what the status of the relationship is: are we friends or not? Can we do business or not? But this kind of directness runs counter to the Chinese social instincts. There’s no need to ask about or discuss the status of a relationship because you know its status based on how you behave towards each other. It’s obvious.
The other thing about directness is that it can easily lead to open conflict, which becomes problematic in a group-oriented society wherein each member of the group is responsible for not only his own face, but everyone else’s as well. Even if two people do decide to terminate their friendship or business relationship, they are still connected to each other by the interwoven strands of quanxi, and so open conflict over the end of that relationship would be disruptive to the harmony of the rest of the group, not just to those two personally (2).
The concern for surface harmony and face affects people’s behavior in ways unexpected to Westerners. For instance, prevaricating is often preferable to the dreaded "no". Refusing a request outright can cause a loss of face or disrupt surface harmony. Besides which, in Chinese, ? (bu) is the negative, but it can’t really be used on its own; if you say ? (bu) without saying no what it’s a very abrupt, very final way of refusing and it’s simply not used very often. Instead of saying no, a Chinese person will refuse an invitation or a request indirectly by saying things like, "I will think about it." In China, "maybe" is an outright refusal (4, 5).
To take things on step further, not only does outright lying not necessarily cause a loss of face, sometimes it prevents a loss of face and is preferable to telling the truth (3). Chinese people are deeply unwilling to admit to a lack of knowledge or understanding. If you approach a man on the street to ask him for directions, he may give you directions regardless of whether or not he actually knows where it is. Similarly a cab driver will almost always say that he knows the place you want to go, regardless of whether or not he actually does and even though he’ll have to admit his ignorance in ten minutes when he can’t find the place anyway.
In day-to-day conversations between foreigners and Chinese, Chinese people do not like to admit that their English is not quite good enough to understand what you’re saying. (Sometimes the problem is simply that they don’t follow your colloquialisms, so it’s best to try to excise those from your speech where possible.) Instead of stopping you and asking you to clarify, they will make a mental note of the word or phrase that they didn’t understand and at a later time either look it up or ask a third party remote from the conversation to explain it to them. Similarly, if you ask a Chinese person straight out, "Do you understand?" he will tend to say that he does regardless of whether or not this is in fact the case, even in a classroom setting. For the Chinese, it’s better to leave a conversation or English class confused and needing to sit down with a dictionary or textbook when you get home than it is to lose face by admitting that you don’t understand.
Perhaps even more puzzling than the rules about lying and prevaricating, is the Chinese reaction to public praise in the work place. Even if a worker is aware that he does better work than his colleagues, he doesn’t want to hear about it in front of them. Public praise of one worker causes everyone who works at his level to lose face, but the worker takes no pleasure in being so elevated over his peers. Since face is reciprocal and collective, the fact that everyone else lost face through his overachieving causes him to feel shame and feel the need to give face back to his peers by slacking off (1).
This scenario is just one of the many potential face scenarious that Westerners find so puzzling. Not only do we not always foresee the ways it is possible to lose face, we also fail to understand the way people react to losing it. In an embarrassing situation wherein one feels a loss of "Western face" is imminent, often the best way to get out of it is to crack a joke and move on. This kind of humor baffles the Chinese, another indication of just how much more serious losing face is than embarrassment.
If the loss of face is not significant, the result is desire to do better next time. This makes perfect sense to us. But, on the other hand, if it is significant and the losee sees no way to restore face through his own actions, the losee will seek to distance himself from those involved in the face-losing situation. To put it a bit crudely, if your friend does something deeply embarrassing or shameful in your presence and he feels that he’s lost face, he may avoid you. There’s really no way to convince him that he doesn’t need to hide from you; his loss of face is personal and may not have anything at all to do with your opinion of him.
Negotiating this complex web of relationships and personal feelings about status can be rather difficult for foreigners. Not only do we have trouble fully understanding the concepts of guanxi and face, we also have issues wrapping our brains around its social consequences. For Westerners, our sense of self-respect and pride is closely tied to our sense of honor, if you’ll pardon the dramatic language. What this means practically is that we value honesty, a sense of personal responsibility, and directness; unwillingness to admit wrong or ignorance or to accept responsibility are seen as a significant character flaws. There’s no switch we can flip in our brains to change these ideas and help us meet the Chinese on Chinese terms. It takes effort and sometimes quite a bit of after-the-fact apologizing and explanation from both sides.
1) "The Concept and Dynamics of Face: Implications for Organizational Behavior in Asia, Joo Yup Kin and Sang Hoon Nam" in Organization Science, 1998
2) "Cross-Cultural Face-Negotiation: An Analytical Overview" by Professor Stella Ting-Toomey, Presented on April 15, 1992
3) Wikipedia
4) American Chamber of Commerce in Egypt
5) A Common Sense View of Chinese Social Norms